TODAY WHEN I OPENED NETFLIX I SAW THE ROAST OF KEVIN HART ON THE HOMEPAGE AND I’D SAY I WATCHED ABOUT 45% OF IT, AND BY THAT I MEAN I FAST FORWARDED MOST OF THE BLACK STUFF. I LIKE SHANE GILLIS, SAW ON SOCIAL MEDIA KATT WILLIAMS MADE AN APPEARANCE AND WANTED TO SEE HOW BIG JAY OAKERSON DID SO I FIGURED IT WAS WORTH A PERUSING

MY REVIEW

 

SHANE STARTED OUT NERVOUS, THEN USHER DID A THING THAT I IMMEDIATELY TRIED TO SKIP BUT EVERY TIME I SKIPPED ANOTHER TWO OR THREE MINUETS AHEAD HE WAS STILL DOING RETARDED HORSESHIT. ANYTIME SOMEONE STARTED TO BOMB KEVIN HART JUMPED IN AND ACTED LIKE WHAT THEY WERE DOING WAS FUNNY AND HURTFUL. SHANE EVENTUALLY GOT COMFORTABLE AND ACTUALLY DID A NICE JOB, HE ROASTED CHEALSEA HANDLER SO HARD THE CHILD’S BLOOD SHE DRANK WITH DINNER STARTED TO BOIL.

 

AROUND THE ONE HOUR MARK I STARTED HEARING THE EXACT SAME JOKES REPACKAGED AND REUSED OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I GET IT. HE’S A SHORT SELLOUT WHO MAKES BAD MOVIES THAT NEVER WON HIM AN OSCAR AND CHEATED ON HIS WIFE AFTER HE CALLED HIS SON GAY. WE HAD TWO MUSICAL PERFORMANCES THAT I SKIPPED, TEYANA TAYLOR READ A LETTER, THEN DYWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON MADE A WWE ENTRANCE BEFORE TRYING TO

GET KEVIN HART TO SIT ON HIS KNEE.

 

THE POINT

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THE POINT OF THIS ARTICLE IS TO WARN EVERYONE THAT ROASTS ARE GOING TO START GETTING REALLY ANNOYING. THEY’RE GOING TO MOVE FURTHER AND FURTHER AWAY FROM JOKE TELLING AND MORE INTO A SHOW THAT CELEBRATES CELEBRITY. IT WILL BECOME THE MOST DILUTED PRODUCT WITH 30 MINUETS OF OFF COLORED JOKES SPRINKLED INTO A TWO HOUR EXTRAVAGANZA.

 

ANOTHER ISSUE IS ANY CELEBRITY THAT MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WILL TUNE IN TO SEE ROASTED IS LIKELY SURROUNDED BY EQUALLY INSIPERABLE CELEBRITY FRIENDS WHO WILL BE A PART OF THE ROAST, AND THEY WILL SHOW UP AND NOT BE FUNNY.

 

ALSO IT’S ONE OF THESE THINGS WHERE YOU HAVE TO LET WOMEN COMEDIANS DO THEIR WOMEN COMEDIAN STUFF ABOUT SEX THAT WE THEN ACT LIKE IS FUNNY AND NOT JOKES I WOULD HAVE TOLD WHEN I WAS IN 5TH GRADE. TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST I HAVEN’T LISTENED TO A FEMALE COMEDIAN SINCE PRE COVID, SO I WAS SOMEWHAT INTERESTED IF THEY HAD EVOLVED. I WAS CRESTFALLEN TO SEE THEY HAVEN’T THOUGHT OF ANY NEW JOKES. I GET THAT SEX IS FUNNY. BUT IF WE’RE RAGGING ON KEVIN HART FOR MAKING THE SAME MOVIE WITH THE ROCK FOR 20 YEARS WE SHOULD BE AT LEAST SLIGHTLY CRITICAL OF WOMEN COMEDIANS FOR MAKING THE SAME JOKES EVER SINCE WE GAVE THEM FREEDOM OF SPEECH BACK IN THE 80S.

 

BUT I DIGRESS. THE NEXT NETFLIX ROAST, WHETHER IT BE OF KANYE WEST, TRAVIS KELCIE, KAMALA HARRIS OR ERIKA KIRK, WILL BE A STEP IN THE WRONG DIRECTION. ROAST WILL ENTER THE SAME UNIVERSE AS SNL, LATE SHOWS, AND ALL OF THE KENNEDYS…DEAD.