I was a tiny child when 9/11 happened. But even as a baby, I knew that what those terrorist did was wrong. Culturally appropriating kamikaze pilots from the Japanese was something I knew we needed to go to war for. Thank God President Bush had the Japanese backs, and went to war for 20 years. People say the middle east is more unstable now than it was when we showed up. When I heard that I knew we had done something truly remarkable, being unstable is a pillar of their culture in the middle east. Things have gone back to normal.

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Rachel Dolezal stole being a black women from black women. I heard she got fired from being a professor after the university found out she had an OnlyFans. She got away with the lie of being a black women, got away with the lie of being a professor, but when the world saw her pussy everyone knew that bitch had to die. I know she’s not dead yet but I expect her to be dead by the end of the year. Karma doesn’t turn a blind eye to cultural appropriation.

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Since the liberation and modernization of India they have been culturally appropriating the French. For my whole childhood, I knew the French as Pepe Le Pew. They were stinky sex pests. Now I see pepe le pew’s all over the damn internet and they aren’t all French. Now the Indians have started raping and they were already way smellier so they’re stealing French culture but further embarrassing the French by being stinker. Cold calling women and telling them “my penis is so stinky for you” with an accent so thick you can smell India is bad enough. But to steal it from the French is an atrocity.

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Here in America we have cultural appropriation figured out. If you want to steal something from another culture you have to let them steal something back. Black people stole basketball from white people, so we stole rock and roll. And it turns out, they’re better at basketball and we’re better at rock and roll.

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TRADE MACHINE TIME

If only we could make trades around the world and figure out which traditions and customs fit each group of people the best.

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Blind people could trade dogs and sunglasses with pirates for their parakeets and eye patches. The parakeet can verbally say what’s happening in front of the blind person, plus they wouldn’t have people trying to look under their sunglasses to see how fucked up their eyes look. The pirates get to change their entire vibe. Dogs are way more jolly than a bird and sunglasses allow you to cover your fucked up eye that you lost as sea, and protects your seeing eye from the sun.

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If homeless people who get high off fentanyl have KIND OF culturally appropriate Chinese eyes cause they can barley stay awake and their eyes be looking Asian, then Chinese people should take camping and enjoying the outdoors and not working all the time from homeless people. Everyone is happy!

Italians and Mexicans could swap pizza for tacos but we kinda beat them to the punch here in America by putting tacos on pizza at gas stations

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Gangs have taken sign language from deaf people so in return we should give deaf people guns and rap music, any rapper that wants to keep rapping will have to gouge their eardrums out to be a part of that community

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Mr. T clearly stole the mohawk from white dudes that hate their parents, so if punk rockers start using the term I pity the fool I feel like that’s a draw

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Quienten Tarantino did black voice for two years after he made Django Unchained but Harvey Weinstein probably told him he could either do that or suck his cock so you cant really blame Quinten for that one.

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Cam Newton has been culturally appropriating a bird house for bout a year now and no one seems to mind. If that dude started flying and pecking at the dirt for worms I don’t think anyone would say a word.

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The NFL as a whole culturally appropriated beating their wives from the Italians. But they run commercials for papa johns every add break and he’s said the N word enough Italy says they’re ok with it.

 

Native Americans stole wearing feathers from birds, so in return Birds should be allowed to smoke peace pipes and run casinos.

 

Lizzo culturally appropriated frat boys by shoving bananas into her backup dancers pussies hazing frat boy style. In return I propose frat boys are allowed to wear fat suits and blackface.

 

Punishment

Not all offenses of cultural appropriation are that easy to solve some people need punished

Vanilla Ice Culturally appropriated vanilla ice cream, in return Vanilla Ice will be forced to work on ben and jerry’s farm without pay until he dies

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Tarot card readers have culturally appropriated gypsy fortune tellers, as punishment I think we should force them to tell their crazy women customers that they should adopt homeless people instead of cats and our homeless issue is solved

 

Tom Hanks appropriated cowboy culture when he voiced woody from Toy Story 1,2,3,4 and 5. Then he bore a son that won’t stop saying the N word, so I think we should just kill the Hanks family, there’s no trades in the world that can stop those sons of bitches.

 

Conclusion 

The truth is, the term cultural appropriation has done more harm for race relations than literally any term of all time. It disallows assimilation of different peoples and keeps everyone at distance. I’m here to save the world, make cultural appropriation great again.