I WAS A TINY CHILD WHEN 9/11 HAPPENED. BUT EVEN AS A BABY, I KNEW WHAT THOSE TERRORIST DID WAS WRONG. CULTURALLY APPROPRIATING KAMIKAZE PILOTS FROM THE JAPANESE WAS SOMETHING I KNEW WE NEEDED TO GO TO WAR FOR. THANK GOD PRESIDENT BUSH HAD JAPAN'S BACK AND WENT TO WAR FOR 20 YEARS. PEOPLE SAY THE MIDDLE EAST IS MORE UNSTABLE NOW THAN IT WAS WHEN WE SHOWED UP. WHEN I HEAR THAT I KNOW WE DID SOMETHING TRULY REMARKABLE OVER THERE. BEING UNSTABLE IS A PILLAR OF THEIR CULTURE IN THE MIDDLE EAST. THINGS HAVE GONE BACK TO NORMAL.

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RACHEL DOLEZAL STOLE BEING A BLACK WOMEN FROM BLACK WOMEN. I HEARD SHE GOT FIRED FROM BEING A PROFESSOR AFTER THE UNIVERSITY FOUND OUT SHE HAD AN ONLYFANS. SHE GOT AWAY WITH THE LIE OF BEING A BLACK WOMEN, GOT AWAY WITH THE LIE OF BEING A PROFESSOR, BUT WHEN THE WORLD SAW HER PUSSY EVERYONE KNEW THAT BITCH HAD TO DIE. I KNOW SHE'S NOT DEAD YET, BUT ANY CULTURAL APPROPRIATOR IS DEAD TO THIS GUY. 

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SINCE THE LIBERATION AND MODERNIZATION OF INDIA THEY HAVE BEEN CULTURALLY APPROPRIATING THE FRENCH. FOR MY WHOLE CHILDHOOD, I KNEW THE FRENCH AS PEPE LE PEW. THEY WERE STINKY SEX PESTS. NOW I SEE PEPE LE PEW'S ALL OVER THE DAMN INTERNET AND THEY AREN'T ALL FRENCH. NOW THE INDIANS HAVE STARTED RAPING AND THEY WERE ALREADY WAY SMELLIER SO THEY'RE STEALING FRENCH CULTURE BUT FURTHER EMBARRASSING THE FRENCH BY BEING STINKER. COLD CALLING WOMEN AND TELLING THEM "MY PENIS IS SO STINKY FOR YOU" WITH AN ACCENT SO THICK YOU CAN SMELL INDIA IS BAD. BUT EVEN WORSE IS THE CULTURAL APPROPRIATION THEY'RE COMMITING. 

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HERE IN AMERICA WE HAVE CULTURAL APPROPRIATION FIGURED OUT. IF YOU WANT TO STEAL SOMETHING FROM ANOTHER CULTURE YOU HAVE TO LET THEM STEAL SOMETHING BACK. BLACK PEOPLE STOLE BASKETBALL FROM WHITE PEOPLE, SO WE STOLE ROCK AND ROLL. AND

IT TURNS OUT, THEY'RE BETTER AT BASKETBALL AND WE'RE BETTER AT ROCK AND ROLL.

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TRADE MACHINE

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IF ONLY WE COULD MAKE TRADES AROUND THE WORLD AND FIGURE OUT WHICH TRADITIONS AND CUSTOMS FIT EACH GROUP OF PEOPLE THE BEST.

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BLIND PEOPLE COULD TRADE DOGS AND SUNGLASSES WITH PIRATES FOR THEIR PARAKEETS AND EYE PATCHES. THE PARAKEET CAN VERBALLY SAY WHAT'S HAPPENING IN FRONT OF THE BLIND PERSON, PLUS THEY WOULDN'T HAVE PEOPLE TRYING TO LOOK UNDER THEIR SUNGLASSES TO SEE HOW FUCKED UP THEIR EYES LOOK. THE PIRATES GET TO CHANGE THEIR ENTIRE VIBE. DOGS ARE WAY MORE JOLLY THAN A BIRD AND SUNGLASSES ALLOW YOU TO COVER YOUR FUCKED UP EYE YOU LOST AS SEA, AND PROTECTS YOUR SEEING EYE FROM THE SUN.

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HOMELESS PEOPLE WHO GET HIGH ON FENTANYL HAVE KIND OF CULTURALLY APPROPRIATED CHINESE EYES CAUSE THEY CAN BARLEY STAY AWAKE AND THEIR EYES BE LOOKING ASIAN. SO CHINESE PEOPLE SHOULD TAKE CAMPING, ENJOYING THE OUTDOORS AND NOT WORKING ALL THE TIME FROM HOMELESS PEOPLE. ​

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GANGS HAVE TAKEN SIGN LANGUAGE FROM DEAF PEOPLE SO IN RETURN WE SHOULD GIVE DEAF PEOPLE GUNS AND RAP MUSIC, ANY RAPPER THAT WANTS TO KEEP RAPPING WILL HAVE TO GOUGE THEIR OWN EARDRUMS OUT.

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QUIENTEN TARANTINO DID BLACK VOICE FOR TWO YEARS AFTER HE MADE DJANGO UNCHAINED BUT HARVEY WEINSTEIN PROBABLY TOLD HIM HE COULD EITHER DO THAT OR SUCK HIS COCK SO YOU CANT REALLY BLAME QUINTEN FOR THAT ONE.

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CAM NEWTON HAS BEEN CULTURALLY APPROPRIATING A BIRD HOUSE FOR BOUT A YEAR NOW AND NO ONE SEEMS TO MIND. IF THAT DUDE STARTED FLYING AND PECKING AT THE DIRT FOR WORMS I DON'T THINK ANYONE WOULD SAY A WORD.

 

THE NFL AS A WHOLE CULTURALLY APPROPRIATED BEATING THEIR WIVES FROM THE ITALIANS. BUT THEY RUN COMMERCIALS FOR PAPA JOHNS EVERY ADD BREAK AND HE'S SAID THE N WORD ENOUGH ITALY IS PROBABLY OK WITH IT.

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NATIVE AMERICANS STOLE WEARING FEATHERS FROM BIRDS, SO IN RETURN BIRDS SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO SMOKE PEACE PIPES AND RUN CASINOS.

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LIZZO CULTURALLY APPROPRIATED FRAT BOYS BY SHOVING BANANAS INTO HER BACKUP DANCERS PUSSIES HAZING STYLE. IN RETURN I PROPOSE FRAT BOYS ARE ALLOWED TO WEAR FAT SUITS AND BLACKFACE.

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PUNISHMENT

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NOT ALL OFFENSES OF CULTURAL APPROPRIATION ARE THAT EASY TO SOLVE SOME PEOPLE NEED PUNISHED.

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VANILLA ICE CULTURALLY APPROPRIATED VANILLA ICE CREAM, IN RETURN VANILLA ICE WILL BE FORCED TO WORK ON BEN AND JERRY'S FARM WITHOUT PAY UNTIL HE DIES.

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TAROT CARD READERS HAVE CULTURALLY APPROPRIATED GYPSY FORTUNE TELLERS. AS PUNISHMENT I THINK WE SHOULD FORCE THEM TO TELL THEIR CRAZY WOMEN CUSTOMERS THAT THEY SHOULD ADOPT HOMELESS PEOPLE INSTEAD OF CATS AND OUR HOMELESS ISSUE IS

SOLVED.

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TOM HANKS APPROPRIATED COWBOY CULTURE WHEN HE VOICED WOODY FROM TOY STORY 1,2,3,4 AND 5. THEN HE BORE A SON THAT WON'T STOP SAYING THE N WORD, SO I THINK WE SHOULD JUST CASTRATE THE HANKS FAMILY, THERE'S NO TRADES IN THE WORLD THAT CAN STOP THOSE SONS OF BITCHES.

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CONCLUSION

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THE TRUTH IS, THE TERM CULTURAL APPROPRIATION HAS DONE MORE HARM FOR RACE RELATIONS THAN LITERALLY ANY TERM OF ALL TIME. IT DISALLOWS ASSIMILATION OF DIFFERENT PEOPLES AND KEEPS EVERYONE AT DISTANCE. I'M HERE TO SAVE THE WORLD, MAKE CULTURAL APPROPRIATION GREAT AGAIN.